You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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