I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Randomize
