my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
