Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
