Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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