so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
