making cat noises will not fix the situation.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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