what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
