Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Randomize
