My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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