Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
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