yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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