I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
