Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
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