i jhust puked up my retainher.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
