it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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