SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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