So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Randomize
