Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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