The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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