saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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