And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Randomize
