Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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