I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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