Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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