My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
