Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
