I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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