I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize