Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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