Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I won't apologize to a one balled man
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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