I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize