Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
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