he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
