why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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