Kareoke will never be a sober sport
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
