Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
