ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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