Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
