Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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