Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Randomize
