Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
