They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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