I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
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