She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
