1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Randomize
