and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
