He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Randomize
