he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize