The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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