He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
