Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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