Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
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