Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Randomize
