Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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