We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
