I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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