I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
