the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
