you're like a bully in the Christmas story
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
