did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Small penises have feelings too.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize