We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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