i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
A bitchslap is in order.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
