All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I could make wine with my vomit
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
