none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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