you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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