y did u give ur computer a hand job?
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
