sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
