we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Randomize
