Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
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