I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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