Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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