After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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