I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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