you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
